Aliens, little green men from Mars, gets more and more a problem for modern society. They kidnap human beings, making it impossible for them to go to work, some of them loose their jobs, and in any case those kidnappings deals a great damage to the productivity of a society. Also, those aliens offer free medical examinations, ruining the human physicians. The aliens transfer many diseases so far unknown to mankind, and some aliens are actually diseases. Some of the aliens disguise as human beings and replace their originals, taking the place of true husbands or loving wives, infiltrating whole villages. Other aliens lay their eggs inside the lungs of human beings, most times with letal consequences for the human. Others live on human blood. Many aliens plan to conquer the world and to enslave mankind. Some of them are communists. They also have enhanced technologies of cheap mass production unknown to mankind, so they can easily beat their human competitors on the world market. Their spaceships pollute the atmosphere. They are a real pest. So what does the government do? Sad to say, but the government itself is involved in that evil machinations of those beasts from outer space and does everything to hide the existence and presence of the aliens from the people. For example, on the 12/21/1969 (by the way, Stalin's 90th birthday), one of their indestructible spacecrafts crashed in Paris, Texas. Farmers found the remainings of the saucer and alarmed the police. A short note was published in the local newspaper, but than members of a special force team appeared in Paris, took the remainigs with them and told everybody that it was just a strange kind of weather ballon. Questions remain open: why had this so-called weather ballon a complete antimatter-warp-drive? Why was it filled with ten tons of Michealjacksonium, an element unknown on earth? Why are there spontaneous demonstrations in Moskau on every anniversairy of the crash landing? Why did a complete country, the DDR, completly disappear from the face of earth just twenty years later? Has this something to do with the fact that the DDR was the only country in the world without vowels? Are vowels the source of power for the aliens? And how is this related to the fact that farmers found a sign near the location of the crash landing reading "S lng, nd thnks fr ll th fsh"? Is "Alley Baggett" in fact a kryptogram for "Alien Baggett"? Rumours say that there was also found a bowling ball in the wreck, but how can we know wether this isn't just a trick of the government to bring in a red herring? By the way, those farmers mentioned above also found a red herring, 1,200 miles away from the ocean, near a fish-farming center. Nobody knows how the herring managed to travel all the 1,200 miles over dry land. A mad scientist with wild hair called Albert Einstein claims that it is impossible to travel faster than light, so how do the aliens span the vast distances between the stars? Or is Einstein just a paid agent of the government? Another scientist named David Bohm says that it is possible to travel faster than light if you are an electron, so do the aliens be nothing but very, very large electrons? Another scientist I forgot the name but he lives in Germany claims that he managed to broadcast a piece of Mozart with a speed faster than light along a pipe of two meters, so we have to ask what kind of relations there are between the aliens and the music of Mozart. Let us summarize: the aliens want to rule our world, our government covers their actions, Einstein is their paid agent, the aliens consist of large electrons composed by Mozart and live on vowels. So this is what you can do to defend our freedom: First, buy a gun, a riffle, a MP, a rocket launcher, a Grenade launcher, a shrink-gun, a BFG 9000, a nail-gun, a rail-gun and a magic sword to be prepared to protect yourself. If you can afford, also fetch you some nuclear weapons, they are real fun. Next, go to your local record store and destroy all albums by Mozart. Caution! Sometimes classical musicians make albums with works of different composers. To make sure you annihilated all works of Mozart, blow up the whole classic department. Than, as a third step, destroy the power plant of your city, since we have learned that the aliens are large electrons, and the power plants produce them probably. At this state of action, you maybe will get some trouble with the police or even the army. Defend yourself, the freedom of our country and the entire world depends on you. Don't worry to kill them all, most certainly they all just look like human beings, but in fact they are all replaced by similair looking aliens. Last step: the aliens can only be defeated by make them starve. To do so, you must cut them off their food, that means, you must make sure that there keps no single vowel left on the surface of this planet. Lt's strt wth ths dcmnt frst: frm nw n wll s n vwls nymr. B brv, nd chncs r gd tht y r bl t dft ths pst nd clr th fc f rth frm ths ln nvsn, s w hmn bngs cn lv lf n pc n hrmny. Gd lck!