Did you know that many famous men were poofters, and that many culturell achievements were made by homosexuals? For example, Julius Cesaer, the roman emperor, was well-known to be queer and was normally called "Julia" (no kidding - darn true). Or think of the famous philosopher Plato, writer of "The Politeia", "The Apology of Socrates" and "Dungeon of Desire": a poof. Or the renaissance-artist Michelangelo, who painted the walls of an entire church with nude young men (later an artist had to paint some decent cloth to cover the most naughty bits) and also made the sculpture of king David, by the way: David was not only a king, but also a queen and had a boy-friend named Johannes. Andy Warhol, Alkibiades, John Cage, Frederik the Great, Thomas Mann, Agaton, Oscar Wilde and many other are famous for their queer sexual orientation. Other gays are less known to have been homosexual and kept their orientation as a secret only known by the insiders, like David Copperfield, Winnetou, Stalin, George Washington, Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Wagner, Brahms, Britten, Bruckner, Neil Armstrong, Gandhi, Jesus, Pat Robertson, Einstein, Newton, Hegel, Berkley, the entire Dream Team, all kynic philosophers, all stoic philosophers, all ancient philosophers, all modern philosophers, all medivian-age-philosophers, all renaissance artists, all artists, all baseball players, all tennis players, all sportsmen, all scientists, all workers, all rich and all poor, men, women, children, birds, Miles Davis, Thenolious Monk, the pope, Bill Gates, Tshacomo Casanova and the entire inhabitants of Beteigeuze V. You don't believe it? Maybe you want to respond "but many of the people you mention were married". But you should know that many of those sassy sailors are married: having a wife is absolutly not a proof of not being homosexual. "But Casanova, wasn't he famous for sleeping with many women?" you ask. How naive: as if such a behaviour wouldn't be a clear sign of repression: erotomania is a typical expression of repressed homosexuality. And Jesus? Just read John 13, 23, say no more. And the population of Beteigeuze V? Well, have you ever been there? If you had, you wouldn't ask.
Other signs which reveals you the poofter:

• Homophobia: Clear sign of repression. Nearly all homophobs are homosexual.
• Wearing male underwear: Not all crossdressers are gay, so we can conclude with the logical rule modus ponens that all men wearing male underwears are.
• Wearing female underwear: Not all crossdressers are gay, but be honest: how many exceptions do you know personally? Do you really believe such a pervert wearing female underwear being not queer?
• Wearing no underwear: Caution! Keep away from those filthy perverts.
• Having an erect dick from time to time. Maybe you think: "isn't it normal for a man to have erections from time to time?". But what does that really mean? Do you think a man has a erection just so, for nothing? Don't you think he has a erection because he likes to have an erection? And how do we call a man who likes erect dicks? A poof, you name it. The correct term we sparetimepsychoanalists use is "homosexual with narzistic autoerotic projection".
• Having relations with women. A real man never interfers with the world of female.
• Having a digestion. A man with a digestion gets fucked by his own shit, and no straight man ever gets fucked.

Maybe now you are worrying wether you are also one of those despised perverts. Help is at your hand: I developed a test you can fill in online.

Let me guess? You are a poofter. Otherwise, why would you have read so far? But don't worry, life can be fun anyway. I am willing to give you an introduction to your new style of life, so please write me:

John Dick
Behind the water pipes 24
Gay Area, San Francisco